Her week in review (w/o 10/16)

Happy Sunday, TV watchers! Hope you enjoyed this week's shows as much as I did. Here's the rundown:


Best self pep talk: The next time you need to build your confidence, try this one on for size: "Let's dialate. Let's do it, ya know what I mean?" Ok, so maybe it won't work in all situations. But it did for an about-to-pop Reagan on Up All Night. And I found myself rewinding the scene. It was that inspiring. Or hilarious.

Best quote: Thanks to Brad on Happy Endings for this little gem. "That waitress looks like she wants a piece of your downstairs goatee!" Oh, how I love me some Damon Wayans Jr.

Biggest witch news: No, it's not that Bonnie on The Vampire Diaries now has to compete with dead vampire Anna for Jeremy's affections. The Secret Circle has some even more crazy drama going down. Jake, brother of recently killed witch Nick, has returned to town. He has a rocky past with Adam, used to date Fey and broke her heart, and now appears to possibly be interested in Cassie, who, according to what's written in the stars, is supposed to be with Adam, even though he's dating Diana. Diana just learned of this, and tired of watching Adam make googley eyes over Cassie all the time, tells him to figure out his feelings and breaks up with him. But, back to Jake. Since he's of the same bloodline as Nick, he now completes the circle again. But does he know he's a witch, yes he does. But, his real reason for returning to town? To kill all the witches! Now that is one messed up dude witch.

Biggest loss: Now, I don't watch sports on a regular basis. So the only thing I could be talking about is Team Meatball! You know, Snooki and Deena. These ladies sure had a rough night on the Jersey Shore Reunion. Snooki saw clips of some of her roommates saying they might believe the Situation was telling the truth about them hooking up, something she adamantly denies. She even called her non-meatball BFF JWoww. a bitch. Damn, Snook. That girl followed Gionni all over Italy until her feet bled for you. And Deena - did you see that hair? Girl was about a week and a half early for Halloween, looking all like Elvira. Meatball problems!

Favorite moment: Beckett, trying her hardest to push aside her feelings for Castle (for some reason unknown to me), can't help but be jealous when another woman shows some interest in him. She tells her therapist, "He's supposed to be my partner, on my team. Not - smitten." See, you know you love him, detective. Even the aforementioned woman caught on. She told Castle she doesn't take things that belong to someone else. Fingers crossed this is the start of Kate letting her real feelings come through.


And finally, what?!? There really isn't a better way to reference the craziness that went down on American Horror Story this week. We learned that back in the day, creepy neighbor Jessica Lange shot her husband as well as the young version of the maid, IN THE EYE, when she saw them on the bed together. That same maid's body is buried in the backyard, although she continues to roam around, seemingly alive, as a housekeeper men see as her younger hot self and women see as an old lady with a wonky eye. Another man who used to live there kept unborn fetuses in jars in the basement. Current "murder house" owner Ben thinks he may have killed one of his patients, but can't remember because hot young maid might be drugging him. Lucky(?) for him, turns out the patient just slit her wrists attempting suicide in front of him, but he didn't do it. Unlucky for him, the young student he cheated on his wife with back in Boston shows up saying she's going to have his baby, not get an abortion like they discussed. But then as they exit the house, another creepy previous owner of the house (who has burns all over his body because he tried to burn it down with him and his family in it - they didn't make it) clocks the young woman in the head with a shovel, killing her instantly. Then he offers to bury the body but tells Ben he sure could use some money. So...that's the long version, best summed up as, what?!?

His Thursday must-watch (10/20)

Well, the stagione italiana of Jersey Shore comes to a close tonight, making it my must watch. After four years, a lot of things have not changed. Situation is still stirring up ridiculous and unnecessary drama. Vinny and Snooki are still hooking up when they aren't supposed to. Ron and Sam are still the worst couple on the planet (together or not). Deena is still asking "you like da boobs?". Pauly's hair still hasn't moved.

Regardless, we all keep tuning in. We know how every show is going to turn out. There really hasn't been what any of us could call a "total shocker" on this show in 3 years. Every time something ridiculous happens, we all pretty much say "haha, so typical". And you know what? I don't care.

Jersey Shore, thank you for your consistency. Oh yeah! Consistency, yeah.

His Thursday must-watch (10/6)

What we have right here is a situation. Tonight is a pretty big night. We've got Tigers/Yankees Game 5 on TBS to see who will move on to the ALCS against Texas. We've got the 2nd episode of How to be a Gentlemen, which I actually thought was pretty funny last week. There's the 2nd night of Bootcamp on The X Factor. I have Her challenge to deal with - Grey's Anatomy. This could be a long night!

What better to end it though than with a solid episode of Jersey Shore (10/9c on MTV). Honestly, I haven't been as religious about watching this show this year. The Italy thing through me off a little bit. I prefer this crew in their native surroundings of Seaside, but apparently they are doing quite a number overseas.

Seriously, could these people be more of a train wreck? How many times can Snooki learn she hooked up with Vinny? This has to be at least the 10th time. Just get it over with and be together already. Poor Jionni is stuck as collateral damage. What guy in his right mind would date one of these girls? Listen, you can't date anyone with a nickname that includes "WOW" in it. Also, after the returns we have seen on the Ron/Sam relationship we know she is out. Deena is a disaster and Snooki is Snooki. I mean the title for last week's episode is "Three men and a Snooki". Just terrible.

On the flip side, I'm the one who is watching. So maybe that's worse.

Her week in review (w/o 9/25)

Let me just start by saying I think I'd be happy if all channels aired nothing but The Vampire Diaries and New Girl at all times. I love these shows! They are, to steal Penny's word from Happy Endings, a-mah-zing. But there are many other shows to watch, and you know I'm watching 'em. So here's my rundown for the week.

Best shower scene: Don't get any ideas. On Modern Family, Gloria was yelling at Jay about coddling their dog, Stella, as he was lathering up in the shower. Cut to near Jay's ankles, where the adorable pooch was sitting on the shower floor. "What?" Jay said. "She tries to drink the water. It's funny!" Agreed. And so is this show.

Cutest fight scene: On The Big Bang Theory, the usually unemotional Sheldon was not too happy when Leonard was speaking fondly about Sheldon's equally socially awkward friend, Amy Farrah Fowler (you know, Blossom). Cue Sheldon, wearing a flannel bathrobe and train conductor hat, karate chopping Leonard in the shoulder. "She is not for you...Not. For. You."  Aww Sheldon. We love you even more than we already did. Bazinga!

Best verbal rally: This could also be called the most ridiculous conversation ever. On How I Met Your Mother, check out the back and forth that happens when Lily tells Barney what he can do if he wins the bet they've made. Lily: I will let you touch one boob. Barney: Both boobs. Lily: Just one. Barney: Touch and squeeze. Lily: Just touch. Barney: Touch and motorboat. Lily: Just touch. Barney: Honka honka? Lily: Barney. Barney: Just touch. Lily: Just touch. Barney: For one hour. Lily: For one second. Barney: For 20 minutes, both boobs. Lily: 20 seconds, one boob. Barney: Four minutes, both boobs, three squeezes. Lily: One minute, one boob, one squeeze. Barney: Deal.     And he almost won the bet, but Lily distracted him with something. I'll give you two guesses. 

Best celebrity dancing moment: No, not Nancy Grace pulling a Janet Jackson. On Jersey Shore, Snooki heads to the bar of a restaurant to drink away her sorrows the day after her visiting boyfriend Gionni left her in Florence. Then she starts to bust a move. Alone. In the middle of a restaurant. In the middle of the day. "I'm heartbroken. So let me dance!" she yells at the restaurant patrons. We've all been there, right? After a tough break up, sometimes you just gotta dance it out. Snooki also tried to forget her pain another way: hooking up with Vinny that night. Oh Vinny, you used to be my favorite.

The "Dude, that's harsh" award: This goes to Captain Kragen on Law & Order: SVU. Fresh off Detective Elliot Stabler leaving, Kragen tells Detective Stabler: "Elliot's not coming back, Liv...Let him go. And you can start by cleaning up his desk. We can't keep it as a shrine." Dude - I mean Captain, Sir. That was harsh.

Quote of the week: Any idea what character blurted out this doozy? "When a pony does a good deed, he gets a horn and he becomes a unicorn, and then he poops out cotton candy until he forgets he's magical, and then his horn falls off. And black unicorns, they become zebras." That would be Britney from Glee, who else? Heather Morris delivers Britney's ridiculous lines so perfectly in this show, I may have to devote an entire category to "Britney's quote of the week." We'll see.

Alright folks, that's it for now. What was your favorite TV moment of the week?